Things I did International Camel Races Weekend

1. Watched camel races, ate tri-tip and drank beer.

2. Involuntarily served beans to the Virginia City bourgeoisie. The woman in charge of food for the VIP tent had graciously done my laundry several times pro-bono. As soon as I walked into the VIP tent she grabbed me, told me I owed her and handed me a serving spoon. As the hungry camel race enthusiasts stood in front of me I asked Sophie's choice, “Beans or Chili?”, then scooped. For the first time in my life I felt like I was giving back to a community.

3. Made out with a Camel Jockey. Cross that one off the bucket list!

4. Almost went home with a famed SoCal horse trainer – think calloused version of
Laura Dern in “Mask” sans blindness. Unfortunately I couldn’t get past her Bob Hoskins hands.

5. Had sex with a chain-smoking self-proclaimed "Colorado Party Girl" who began every sentence with the dudish preposition, "hey man". I wish her high school english teacher would have taken an inappropriate interest and given her a Henry Higgins tongue lashing.

6. Masturbated thinking about Bob Hoskins' hands.

1 comment:

  1. I know your success will come into fruition but if for some reason you decide to deviate some...please, please, please do some stand up. You are a natural!

    Just can't believe you are still in Virginia City.Maybe they can make you an honorary citizen?

    Get back here so I can see what that city has done to you. Rather than what you have done to that city....:D